The Fifth Commandment

Honoring one's parents

Since I am spiritually fluid, I look for and accept wisdom from a wide range of sources. One such source is Rabbi Angela Buchdahl of Central Synagogue in New York City. She delivered a sermon titled “Honoring Your Parents Is the Hardest Commandment” nine years ago. I stumbled upon it about four years ago and it gave me the clarity and validation that I was in need of at the time.

Because I tend to forget over time the finer points even of content that I find meaningful, I have rewatched this video several times and it has been just as satisfying each time.

Dear readers, I hope you too will find meaning and support in this sermon.

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I thought of this sermon today because I came across as advice column in the Washington Post (gift link) that encourages the letter-writer, an adult daughter, to set boundaries in order to shield herself from the frustration she feels when interacting with her mother. In today’s lingo, this falls under the rubric of “self-care,” which follows from our culture’s valorization of individualism, independence, and resistance to authority. It is no surprise that almost all of the top-rated comments also favor boundary setting.

I think how one handles a challenging relationship with one’s parents is one of the clear dividing lines between traditional high-touch cultures and the more modern and less tethered American one.

I wonder how Rabbi Buchdahl might counsel the letter-writer. Having just rewatched the above sermon, it is hard to imagine that she would suggest boundary-setting as the first course of action.