First, you will make a difference. You already did with your Zoom student. But your odds are less than 100% per student. The forces pulling those same students away from the success sequence will persist, and your participation in their lives will by necessity be spurious. My wife and my daughter were both Big Sisters to disadvantaged youngsters, but they couldn't pull hard enough to overcome the other forces. We believe (but we don't know) that in order to be the positive impact we sought to be, that we needed to have more intense levels of contact than the program even allowed. Conversely, when our daughter was young, we regularly employed a teenager, whose homelife was compromised, as a mother's helper for my wife. The relationship became familial, and was welcomed by her father (not so much her mother). She is now leading a wonderful life, married to an upstanding man for over 15 years with four children of her own. At her wedding, she credited our family for "showing her that life could be good in ways she hadn't known." Very satisfying.
Second, I find it so disturbing that we can't count on our primary schools to impart the very things that you hope to make the students understand - your points a, b, and c. Mine did. Also, in addition to Math and English (including Phonics), at school in rural Iowa in the '60's and '70's, I was taught the hazards of the drug culture, gun safety, how to keep a checkbook, how to help a girl with her coat, civics, and the history of my community. We spent fewer hours at school than students do today. If I had an advantage, it was that those lessons were reinforced by my upbringing. To me, it seems like students' life-skill development has been abandoned by both their families AND the public schools, and I can't figure out what force is pulling in that clearly negative direction. I also can't figure out how it isn't noticed in such stark terms.
I look forward to the story of your Zoom student success. I am also curious about Katherine's son's outcome. She seems like a dutiful mother. I hope she was rewarded at least in that way.
I agree with your finding about Big Sisters. I considered and discarded it because the model did not match what I was hoping to offer to the Littles. It seemed to be more about taking the kids out to a game or to a movie etc. So there was not much opportunity for skills or character building.
As for the failure of public schools to impart the values, I think that is the tragedy. Whereas schools could function as a bulwark against the effects of collapsing families, they tend to perpetuate the dysfunction. The first time I heard the term "acting white," I was floored. I could never have imagined a way of thinking that rejected personal development because it was "white." To me, personal development has no color. It is what one pursues because one wants to live a good life.
Like you, I was fortunate to have grown up in a society where the values of family, community, society, and popular culture were in alignment, pointing towards self-development with the goal of the individual's flourishing, and through that the flourishing of family, community, society.
Forgot to mention that I appreciated the story of the teenager who developed a familial relationship with your family. Agree that frequent and consistent interaction is key.
Several comments:
First, you will make a difference. You already did with your Zoom student. But your odds are less than 100% per student. The forces pulling those same students away from the success sequence will persist, and your participation in their lives will by necessity be spurious. My wife and my daughter were both Big Sisters to disadvantaged youngsters, but they couldn't pull hard enough to overcome the other forces. We believe (but we don't know) that in order to be the positive impact we sought to be, that we needed to have more intense levels of contact than the program even allowed. Conversely, when our daughter was young, we regularly employed a teenager, whose homelife was compromised, as a mother's helper for my wife. The relationship became familial, and was welcomed by her father (not so much her mother). She is now leading a wonderful life, married to an upstanding man for over 15 years with four children of her own. At her wedding, she credited our family for "showing her that life could be good in ways she hadn't known." Very satisfying.
Second, I find it so disturbing that we can't count on our primary schools to impart the very things that you hope to make the students understand - your points a, b, and c. Mine did. Also, in addition to Math and English (including Phonics), at school in rural Iowa in the '60's and '70's, I was taught the hazards of the drug culture, gun safety, how to keep a checkbook, how to help a girl with her coat, civics, and the history of my community. We spent fewer hours at school than students do today. If I had an advantage, it was that those lessons were reinforced by my upbringing. To me, it seems like students' life-skill development has been abandoned by both their families AND the public schools, and I can't figure out what force is pulling in that clearly negative direction. I also can't figure out how it isn't noticed in such stark terms.
I look forward to the story of your Zoom student success. I am also curious about Katherine's son's outcome. She seems like a dutiful mother. I hope she was rewarded at least in that way.
Appreciate your thoughtful response.
I agree with your finding about Big Sisters. I considered and discarded it because the model did not match what I was hoping to offer to the Littles. It seemed to be more about taking the kids out to a game or to a movie etc. So there was not much opportunity for skills or character building.
As for the failure of public schools to impart the values, I think that is the tragedy. Whereas schools could function as a bulwark against the effects of collapsing families, they tend to perpetuate the dysfunction. The first time I heard the term "acting white," I was floored. I could never have imagined a way of thinking that rejected personal development because it was "white." To me, personal development has no color. It is what one pursues because one wants to live a good life.
Like you, I was fortunate to have grown up in a society where the values of family, community, society, and popular culture were in alignment, pointing towards self-development with the goal of the individual's flourishing, and through that the flourishing of family, community, society.
Thank you for engaging with my post :)
Well, maybe not “popular culture”… The US in the 60’s was kind of a cultural mess!
Forgot to mention that I appreciated the story of the teenager who developed a familial relationship with your family. Agree that frequent and consistent interaction is key.
I am sure that the human kittens in any lower-income area see lots of Katherines.
For that matter, humans with money and connections get lots of second chances, and third, fourth, ad infinitum. Less fortunate humans, not so much.